im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
