what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize