Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
