she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i dont even know how to be here
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
