anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
