just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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