we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize