I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
