Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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