i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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