The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
