I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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