All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
