I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
