He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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