Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
