im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
