forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
