This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
