It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
