i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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