it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
