my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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