I'm eating all of the evidence.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I checked into jail on foursquare
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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