; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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