Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
