I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
