You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
