She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
