Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need water and some morals
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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