She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's get the cat blown out
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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