I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
