Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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