life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
