Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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