i was born a porn star she said
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
