she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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