I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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