Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
two words...techno handjob
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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