Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
