I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
