Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
