guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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