Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
