you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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