Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
