seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
