BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.