3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
