i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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