the new term for farting is butt boxing.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
