you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
