You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
