Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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