saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
