Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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