Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
