screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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