you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
