She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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