I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
