i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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