ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
