we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
