He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize