As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
