All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
