mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
