he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
