i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
