The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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