Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
