OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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