5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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