dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
