and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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