why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
