we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Even my vagina gasped.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
