I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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