Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
