One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
