you guys were way drunker than both of me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
