I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
